Genius or Insanity
by Iwasbored
Summary: Why having a medieval immortal nun involved in raising a royal genius was a terrible idea.
1. Chapter 1

AN:

This is what happens when I just say screw it all and its also the reason why I don't do humor normally.

I'll admit that this story is a bit messed up in the beginning, but let's be honest, it would probably be a fairly accurate description of how the characters would act in these circumstances. If you don't believe me, rewatch the series.

Also, some spoilers.

* * *

 **December 5th, 2000**

"Congratulations, your Majesty. It's a baby boy."

After eleven hours of difficult labor, Marianne finally gave birth. How in the world did that little shit stain manage to stay inside of her for that long? Was he intentionally trying to make my life more difficult? It was like every time the crown of his head showed for just a second, he just crawled right back up in there. I just had to sit through eleven freakin hours with my wife screaming obscenities and crushing my hand to dust. I can't even feel my fingers anymore. None of my other consorts ever put me through this much hell, though most of them never did ask for me to witness the birth of those other little balls of fat.

"Ah, he's so precious! Look how cute he is, Charles," Marianne exclaimed as she coddled the newborn.

"Yes, yes, very adorable," I gruff noncommittally. This was a mistake I quickly realized. I wasn't talking to just any of the other inbred consorts. I was actually talking to the one that actually had a brain and the Knightmare to call me out on my shit.

"Charles... You didn't even look. Will you at least hold him. He is your son!" she pouted.

Not wanting to test her patience, I quickly uncrossed my arms so she could place him in my hands.

Seeing my compliance, she quickly moved to hand off the baby to me. I could see the excitement just oozing out of her eyes. What was it with women and showing off their baby to their husbands? You would think that having stayed with her for the entire process that I already did my mandatory duties as that child's father. Ingrate probably wouldn't even appreciate how much time I had invested into him. I already did more for him than I did for his other half-siblings. I even have the numb and broken hand to prove it.

Wait... I can't feel my hand... Shit!

"Charles! You dropped him!" Marianne yelled furiously as our damaged offspring decided to let its pain known to the world.

"I'll get you a new one!" I quickly exclaimed out of sheer panic.

"Wha... Well with the Ragnarok Plan, I guess it won't matter in the end."

Would that even work? The C world is where all consciousness goes after death, but wouldn't his normal consciousness not exist since he very likely has brain damage? Ah screw it. She made the excuse, and I'm not going to correct her on her misunderstanding if it'll stop her from castrating me.

"Exactly. Now I know you want to spoil someone rotten, so I'm willing to make another and sit through the whole process again," I said with that tiny compromise so as to keep her ire down. Hopefully this second one won't be as much as a fiasco as this first one.

"Then let's get started!" my wife exclaimed.

I could only respond with an intelligent, "What?"

This earned me a huff and a rather annoyed look from the woman. She began talking at a slow pace as though she were speaking to an idiot.

"I want to spoil my child now, but you broke the first one. I'm only willing to forgive you because I'll be able to spoil my darling boy after Ragnarok. But I'm only willing to wait for my second child for nine months, so get to it!"

Didn't she just go through labor? Why would she want anything going in between her legs, in or out, now? Aren't most mothers normally turned off by the idea of sex for at least a while after going through the ordeal?

Not wanting to give in to her demands for procreation now and not wanting to piss her off more, I asked, "But shouldn't we do something about... the boy?"

"Charles, we are going to make another baby and that's final!"

"Yes, dear!"

* * *

Marianne and Charles are going at it again? I don't see why they bother considering they just plan on wiping all life out at some point. You would think that the Ragnarok plan would make them hesitant over the idea of bringing children into the world. I mean, they would have to spend the rest of eternity listening to the voices of their children whining about how... Why do I hear a baby crying in the room?

Out of curiosity, I decided to peak into the hospital room to investigate. Yep. Charles and Marianne are doing the nasty on the bed, and... Is that the baby crying on the ground next to them! Oh god! Charles does get off on the tears of babies! I thought it was just something that V.V. said as an offhand joke when Charles started his world conquest, but he was telling the truth! This is just so wrong!

Not wanting the baby to be subjected to this sort of treatment right at the get go, I strolled in, picked up the baby(who stopped crying the moment I picked him up), and walked out. His parents never even noticed.

Looking down in my arms, I was greeted by the sight of two vibrant purple eyes staring innocently at me. The way the baby cocked its head to the side and remained silent made it look as though it were curious about who I was. The image was quite cute, until I noticed that there was a little bit of blood on the side of his head.

"Well that's unfortunate little one," I said sorrowfully to myself. Minutes into parenthood and those two idiots royally fucked up already. Was that why they were already trying to make a second one? Did they even name the little baby in their hurry to make another baby?

That was when the baby decided to try to suckle through my clothes.

"I'm not your mama. I don't have any milk for you," I chuckled lightly as his attempts would prove fruitless in the end.

And then it happened.

" _If I grant you power, could you go on? I propose a deal—in exchange for this power, you must agree to make my one wish come true. Accept this contract, and you accept its conditions. While living in the world of humans, you will live unlike any other: a different providence, a different time, a different life. The Power of the King will condemn you to a life of solitude. Are you prepared for this?_ "

"Mama!"


	2. Chapter 2

AN:

Spoilers.

* * *

 **2010**

"Empress Marianne vi Britannia is dead," the boy in front of me declared. Who was he again? I don't recognize him. Is he Marianne's son? Doubtful since he would have referred to her as Mother then, but then why else would he be reporting this to me? I also think my wife would have mentioned to me about him considering how doting and proud she is of Nunnally. Bah, there's too many of them to remember. This is the problem of having so many consorts. What was I thinking of sleeping with 108 women? I can't even remember all of the consorts anymore, and some of them bore more than one child. How am I expected to remember all of those little humans that are running about? I need to get rid of some of them for my sanity. Maybe I should just have them all duke it out for the throne? That'll certainly trim down the numbers.

"Your Majesty?" the boy questioned as I was plotting the demise of a fair amount of my myriad spawn.

"This is old news! Why bring this to my attention?" I bellowed in order to just cow the boy and not have to deal with him.

Despite my intimidation tactic he just said, "You have 108 consorts. I was under the impression that it was my duty as your son to at least inform you of this. The death of one consort may not have even warranted much priority given the number."

With that, this boy was instantly at the top of my favorite heir list. Actually, he is the only one on that list at the moment. But that is besides the point. He was actually thoughtful enough to consider my plight. While he was wrong to assume that I wouldn't know of my favorite consort's death, he was kind enough to assume that I honestly don't give a damn about... pretty much the rest of them. Why the hell did I sleep with the other 107 consorts? All I had to do was marry them and leave them alone. Just because they were once attractive did not make the decision to knock them all up a smart one! All I did was bring incompetent idiots like Clovis into this world, and now I need to trim off the useless fat from this family tree.

But how am I going to do this without putting my favorite heir in harm's way? Since he's at the top of my favorite list, he'll obviously be in danger when his half-siblings start duking it out for the title of First Prince/First Princess. Having him under guard would just make it obvious that I favor him over the others. Stripping him of whatever his title is would prevent him from inheriting the throne should I die before I can complete Ragnarok. So what should I do?

Maybe I should send him away? Yes... That would keep him away from harm when shit hits the fan. But where to put him.

Within the empire? No, that's too vulnerable.

In Area 1-10? Too many rebels trying to 'free their country from my barbaric thumb'.

Foreign country? Yes... That's a good idea. As a show of good faith, I'll send him as a political hostage to some foreign country. They'll be obligated to protect him lest they want to incur the wrath of my people and everyone here will just think I'm punishing him. Excellent, and I have just the place to send him to.

"As punishment for your actions, I'm sending you off to Japan to be a political hostage."

"Could you explain to me what warrants this punishment?" the boy asked with a raised eyebrow.

"For thinking that I wouldn't be aware that my 6th consort was just murdered."

"I thought she was the 5th Empress and Knight of Six."

"Irrelevant," I grumbled. Marianne was sure to give me an earful about that later in that new body of hers.

"I see... Am I to be punished alone, or am I to bring anyone with me?"

He understands me. He knows that I'm not really punishing him. Such a smart and good boy.

"Feel free to bring anyone at the Aries Villa with you. If they had a hand in raising such a fool as yourself, then they obviously deserved to be punished as well," I said sternly with a smile as I finally found a worthy heir.

"Understood," the boy said with a smile before departing proudly and upright.

Shit, I never even got his name. Ah well, I'm sure that it'll come up in the paperwork when I send him over to Japan.

* * *

"Are you sure it was wise to use Geass on your father to banish you? Wouldn't it just have been easier to just use it to put yourself on the throne?" Mama asked with a raised brow.

"I'll admit, it would certainly be much easier in the short run, Mama. But it would be so easy and boring. Plus then I would have to deal with all of the paperwork that ruling an empire would entail, brainwash all of the subjects into obeying a ten-year-old kid, and deal with Schneizel trying to stick a knife in my back. No, being banished is a much more pleasant way to spend my time until I'm old enough to actually take the throne."

"If I recall, your the 17th in line for the throne. How exactly are you going to convince the people to follow you over 1-16?"

"I may have inserted the idea that it would be a good idea to start... trimming the family tree a bit..."

"L.L..."

"Okay, fine! I gave him the mental suggestion of what basically amounted to a secret Battle Royale involving all of my half-siblings!"

"And how did you know that he wouldn't find this idea odd in his head?"

"Because I'm apparently the only one on his favored heir list," I chuckled.

This comment got Mama to falter in her step completely. I didn't fault her for her surprise. I nearly lost my composure in the throne room once I heard that tidbit floating in his rather empty mind. He didn't even remember my name. Hell, I'm not even sure if he was too entirely sure that I was related to him in the first place.

"Really? I was under the assumption that he completely forgot about you when I decided to raise you myself. Marianne certainly did considering that she only ever gushed about Nunnally in her letters," C.C. said with a look of genuine confusion on her face.

"To be fair, he only seems to know about six of his children at a moment's glance. He doesn't even remember the other 107 consorts. I'm only on the good list because I acknowledged the fact that he has far too many wives for him to really give a damn anymore."

"Charles did just see them as baby making factories given that he made around 200 children for his political marriages. I_" Mama started before I had to interrupt.

"I have 200ish half-siblings? Wha... Whe... But... Why?!"

"Not going to ask how?"

"I don't need the image of how he did it! I just don't understand why he did it!"

"Most of them were rather attractive for this era," Mama said with a smirk.

"So he's just an old pervert," I said with a dull expression on my face.

"He and Marianne did start making Nunnally moments after you were born while you were still next to them."

"... I know I can't see bits and pieces from your mind like I can others, but did you really have to tell me that. Now I have an image stuck in my head!"

"Brain bleach?"

"... Let's just go. I'm hungry and we're being shipped to Japan, Mama."

"I'll call Pizza Hut."

"Again?"

While I loved Mama and enjoyed her favorite food, it was the only thing she ever ate. I'm surprised I haven't keeled over yet from having my arteries clogged with pepperoni. I wasn't even entirely sure if my blood was blood rather than pizza sauce. Reminder to self, Euphy is the best half-sister I could ever ask for. Her cooking may be terrible, but at least it wasn't lathered in cheese and tomato sauce. Send her something nice from Japan.

"Are you taking that tone with me again? I'm not against reminding you why pizza is the food of the gods."

"Nope! Pizza it is!"

"Good," Mama said with a jaunty step before something came to the forefront of her mind. "By the by, did you remember to mentally suggest to Charles a reasonable explanation as to why invading Japan would be a terrible idea?"

"Knew I forgot something. Well, he's the Emperor. I'm sure that even he'll at least remember that there was some important reason not to invade Japan for at least a year."

"I give him a month."

* * *

 **12 Days Later in Japan**

"He didn't even last two fucking weeks!"

"Language!"


	3. Chapter 3

**2017**

What's everyone gathering around the T.V. for? Let's see... news on the attack on Shinjuku. Eleven terrorists released poison gas in the ghettos? Oh come on! Those bodies are clearly riddled with goddamn bullet holes. How can anyone with even half a brain cell even believe this PR bullshit?! I have minor brain damage, and it's easy for me to tell that this drivel makes no logical sense! Who in the hell is even running the show here?

Ah... That makes so much more sense. Clovis and his Purebloods would be inbred enough to think that this story would appease the Britannian masses.

Unfortunately, they're right. Eugenics at its finest.

"Lelouch... Is everything okay?"

"Huh?" I intelligently responded as I was shook from my raging monologue.

"You've been staring awfully hard at the screen there. Something wrong?" my blue-haired companion, Rivalz, asked.

"Just witnessing Britannia's best and finest," I mumbled sarcastically before walking away with a scowl on my face.

"Didn't realize you were the jealous type. You can always join them once we graduate."

Damn you eugenics and your tendency for inbreeding! Why is everyone single Britannian that I meet so stupid!? We are literally going to the most prestigious Britannian school in Japan, and one of the role models doesn't understand what I meant with my sarcasm. It's the most basic form of humor, and the clown of the student council doesn't even get it! He's not even a noble who has the excuse of trying to preserve the blueblood integrity in his veins!

How did Britannia even get as large as it did? How did it even make freaking complex machinery like Knightmares when almost every single one I meet seems to not have any common sense!

"Uhm..." a feminine voice sounded behind me.

Turning around I found a red-headed girl with rather dopey eyes standing behind me. She seemed to be fidgeting rather nervously.

Not wanting to deal with her I quickly said, "I'm not currently interested in dating anyone at this time. It's not you. It's me. Have a pleasant day."

"What?" she responded in a startled voice with a blush on her face. I guess she wasn't one of the countless admirers I have in this school.

"My mistake. Tell Milly that I know that she has been sending students to stalk on me, but she's not going to find any blackmail material. So tell her to please stop wasting other people's time."

"Who?"

I guess the President didn't send her. If she had then this girl would be a bit more nervous instead of confused.

"So Milly didn't send you either... Did the principal or a teacher send you?"

She just shook her head.

"Your noble father?"

"How do you know my father is a noble and why would he ask for you?"

"A lot of nobles owe me money. If your father did owe me money, you wouldn't be the first they sent as a means to... compensate for their debt."

This earned me a look of disbelief as to what I may have just admitted. Don't tell me I hit the mark on that one. That's always the worst one to deal with. It makes it difficult to turn down the girl knowing that her dear old Dad and his friends would then decide that it would be easier to off me instead of paying a dime. Why they thought to offer their daughters before trying to off me is beyond me though.

"I'm here of my own volition, but now I'm starting to regret my decision," the redhead stated with a rather pointed glare.

"I never accept those propositions anyway. But for future reference in case your father ever does owe me money, you now can tell him to shove off," I said cheekily.

This made the girl quirk an eyebrow.

"..."

"..."

"Well?" the girl asked after we stood silently staring at each other for a good five minutes.

"Well what?"

"Anymore insane and convoluted theories about why I'm here?"

"Uh... Passing a message for someone else?"

"Nope, and kind of bland."

"Asking for directions?"

"Nada."

"Secretly recruiting me to join a resistance movement to participate in a secret/not so secret war to liberate Japan?"

"Wha_" she stuttered rather while going rather pale.

"Asking what I ate for lunch yesterday?"

"How did you even go from freedom fighting to food at the drop of a hat?"

"Dropped on the head as a baby moments after birth. And yes, that is a fact."

"How are you even in this school if you were dropped on your head? Wouldn't the brain damage... You know, make it difficult for you?"

"All hail Britannian eugenics! They can't even tell the difference between me being slightly insane and everyone else being morons. Plus it helps that I had more than enough brain cells to compensate for the loss of intelligence at birth," I said with a smirk.

"You know what! I... I actually agree with you on that one. Not the narcissistic comment, but how everyone seems to be somewhat mentally deficient."

"Finally! Someone agrees with me! There's actually someone that has at least reached the necessary minimum intelligence to understand how stupid everyone else is," I screamed out in joy.

"... Did... did you really just insinuate that I'm not as smart as you?" she stammered with a glare. I could literally see burning rage flickering in those blue eyes of hers. Anger, not used to seeing someone direct that at me. Forgot that people with enough intelligence would see my hidden message and may not take it too kindly. Despite having seen the wrath of an angry woman (Cornelia), it was somewhat heartwarming to see her taking it so personally. It actually meant that she understood me and that my opinion still mattered to her despite my obvious insanity.

"I insinuate that for everyone who has a semblance of intelligence. The fact that you were the first to catch on both warms my heart greatly, and unfortunately, reinforces my statement about everyone else being a moron."

"Not too sure I should be glad that it warms your heart... No offense," she muttered as her cheeks were still tinted red, most likely still trying to temper her earlier rage.

"None taken. I'm an acquired taste. So what did you want to talk to me about anyways?"

As if she remembered what she was here for, she corrected her posture to look me directly in the eyes before speaking.

"Why did the news about Shinjuku piss you off?"

"Why do you ask?" I responded while taking a closer look at her eyes. They seem somewhat distinct compared to the normal masses. They were... familiar. But why?

"Everyone seemed more worried and frightened that the bomb got so close to our school. You were angry."

"Could you turn your gaze to the side please?"

"Could you just please answer the question?" she asked with an annoyed expression on her face.

"Humor me," I responded dryly as the nagging feeling in my head grew.

She must have been really curious as she acquiesced to my demands soon after, though reluctantly. This allowed me to take a closer look at the edges of her eyes and see the general shape and the alignment of her face. Her skin color certainly seemed normal, but everything else felt a bit off. She looked distinct from all the other... Britannian... students...

"You're part Japanese?" I whispered in her ear.

The girl quickly tensed as she realized that I had just discovered her secret.

She quickly tried to cover it up as a misunderstanding by stammering, "Another crazy theory?"

I just let out a chuckle.

"If it were just a theory rather than a fact, you would have slapped me for the insult. Most Britannians hate the idea of being compared to a quote on quote Number. So was that why you became so pale when I said that you were recruiting me to liberate Japan?"

"I..."

"Ah... Right. I forgot to answer your question regarding that little incident in Shinjuku. You and I both know that its all propaganda set up by Clovis and his Purebloods. Chances are that he altered the truth of the incident to cover one of his more drastic decisions. Probably deciding to massacre the entire ghetto as a means to pave the way for Area Eleven's future, or a means to cover up some forbidden and illegal project that nearly came to surface."

"Both..." she muttered.

"Glad to see that you know that I know that you know what transpired yesterday. So now the only question is why come to me about this?"

"Your mother sent me," she said with a blush as she obviously recalled whatever transpired between the two.

"You found Mama? That's great! Wait... Oh that cheeky bastard! He just had to do it on a day when she wasn't going to order pizza. Now she'll have an excuse to live entirely on pizza again. When I get my hands on him..."

"Is this really something you should be talking about in the middle of the school? What you're talking about is_"

"Want to join me? We can skip class and do it right now. It'll be fun, or at least more so than listening to our history teacher praise inbreeding. Plus won't it help you get rid of Britannia?" I interrupted with a charming(?) smile on my face.

"How do you propose we get past all of his guards?" she said with a small smile on her face over my barb at Brittania's illustrious history. Or it could be her sanity eroding away. Her smile looked like the one Milly had when she finally snapped. I guess I really am to blame for the Absolute Silence Dance.

"Certainly not guns blazing with gratuitous explosions though I will admit it would be more fun that way."

"You know what, screw history. It certainly does sound more fun, and you're going to go regardless of my decision. Knowing you, you'll drag me into this mess anyways so I might as well."

"So it's a date!"

"Wait... You're serious?"

"You mean going to go whack our Viceroy?" I asked. I was confused. One moment she was entirely willing to jump aboard the crazy train, and the now she's saying she thought it was all a joke.

"Why would you even call it that?! What makes you think that there is anything remotely romantic in this!?" she hissed as her sanity started to realize that I was in fact quite serious about going to confront the Viceroy and taking her as my date. Emphasis on the date.

"Who said anything about romance? It's just a phrase. Though I guess I wouldn't be opposed to such a situation. Scratch that. I think I will take you up on your offer of romance. After talking to you, I can most certainly say that you're the most attractive and intelligent person I've ever met."

I love her dumbfounded expression. It's just so... hilariously adorable when she doesn't know what to say. I can see so many emotions flying to and fro in both her eyes and mind as she tried to comprehend the situation. It painted a rather beautiful canvas of emotions for my Geass. There was a little bit of irritation, lots of confusion, some attraction, and a smidge of respect. It was honestly a very beautiful mind. I could get addicted to it. I just hope she doesn't break. It would be very upsetting to see something that beautiful disappear.

"Let's just get this over with, L.L."

So Mama did give her details about me.

"What did you expect I would be like? I literally had an immortal medieval witch nun raise me after being dropped on my head due to my parents trying to conceive my little sibling minutes after my birth, and then the collective consciousness of the world decided to bequeath crazy mind powers to me minutes afterwards. The fact that I'm only occasionally a babbling psychopath is a miracle."

"I thought she was just messing with me... What disturbs me is that I'm keeping up with you..."

"My condolences..."

"Thanks..."

"So what freaky black magic did you get?"

"Apparently the ability to process time at an abnormally fast rate, but I can't force my body to match it."

"So is that how you've been keeping up with me?"

"No. Don't know how to trigger it."

"Ah..."

"What's yours?"

"I can transmit thought processes back and forth between someone and myself."

"Did you just make insanity contagious?" she squeaked as what I can only assume were horrifying thoughts came to the forefront of her precious mind.

"It's only insanity if it doesn't conform to the majority. If everyone is as insane as I am, then wouldn't that just mean everyone insane is just sane?"

"Is that what you did to me?!" she asked worriedly. A reasonable reaction given that I essentially told her that if I truly wanted, I could bend her will to my own and destroy who she was at heart.

"Please... I don't do that to people I like. What's the point in forcing my point onto others if its all fake? Any attraction, hate, respect... Nay any emotion you feel is all 100% from your heart. I like you because I allowed you to see this side of me, and you are willing to tolerate and try to keep up with it. Since you cared enough about trying to keep up with my slightly more damaged side, I don't want to change what makes you... well you. Do you understand?"

"So everything I feel, is..."

"All natural."

"..."

"Besides, I would hate having to live in a world comprised only of me. No human contact afterwards would mean anything since it would just be me... well talking to me. It would be as though I were alone in this world, and that is something I fear more than not being understood."

"I see," the girl said morosely. Maybe I opened up a bit too much there. There was no reason for this discussion to have get so serious. Also I hated to see her pity me. Out of all the possible emotions, pity towards me... It's disheartening.

"So ready to go deliver some divine judgment upon my half-brother?" I asked in a half-hearted attempt to lift the mood.

"You're a prince?!" she shrieked. I guess Mama left that bit of information out of the equation. Wonder how Mama convinced this girl to bother talking to me without revealing that.

"Eleventh Prince of Britannia, Lelouch vi Britannia at your service. By the way, I'd very much like to stay hidden amongst the dead so we best be going now so that we may introduce brother Clovis with a bullet. I'm sure he'll be delighted to have it willing to explore his... artistic brain."


	4. Chapter 4

AN:

1) There is a section in this story talking about the concept of God. This is in no way my personal opinion, and I'm not pushing those views onto other people. I'm just writing from the perspective of someone who literally had a collective conscious shoved through their brain. It's an abnormal line of thinking, but I'm sure someone has thought of it before me. So just roll with it.

Spoilers Obviously

* * *

"I thought you said you weren't going to go guns blazing with gratuitous explosions!" my new sexy best friend screamed in my right ear as another Knightmare frame proceeded to turn itself into a pyre of orange fireworks.

"Exactly! I said that I wasn't going to go guns blazing, but I never said anything about making the Britannians soldiers do it for me! Besides, I only gave them a mental suggestion. I shouldn't be held responsible that Clovis's men were extremely trigger happy and corrupt to begin with. If they seriously thought that they could get promoted by a dead Britannian Prince by killing each other off, they obviously deserve what's coming to them. At least the knife is coming from the front rather than in the back."

"And what about the gratuitous explosions?!"

"Are you having fun or not? Because if you're not, I will turn this car around," I scolded her while turning my gaze to meet her look of fear. For a woman of a resistance group, she sure was timid. Was her school persona really what she was normally like? She sure was spineless if she was scared of having her enemies explode around her.

"In case you haven't noticed, we're literally being chased by the entire military! I don't think driving straight into death would be something that anyone would enjoy!"

"But are you having fun?"

"I'd be having much more fun if the enemy wasn't blowing up right next to our dingy ass car!"

"Spoilsport," I muttered before activating my Geass to turn my newly expendable subordinates around to hold off the non-brainwashed soldiers off.

"Do you have a death wish or something?" Kallen gasped as relief flooded through her body.

"Please. You saw the consciousness of the world. You should know that death is meaningless since we'll all just exist in that stream of thought. Why not just have a little more physical fun while you still have a body? Besides, with my Geass if I'm really in danger of dying I can _probably_ just insert my consciousness and Geass into my murderer's body."

"In case you didn't realize, I don't have the luxury of body jumping people like you do! Besides I like having my mind in my original body!"

"Right... I forgot you can't do that. But that just means you need to jam more fun into your life before your body decides to kick the bucket!"

"I would experience more if it didn't expire right away! I like surviving!"

Seriously, why was she so scared of death. It was just a natural step in life and something completely unavoidable. With the knowledge that the world of C exists, the loss of a physical body seemed trivial. While the sense of touch and thrill of going over the limit would be gone, the feeling of pain and loss would be gone as well. Hell, Mama even welcomed the concept of death. Though to be fair, she's been alive for like what... seven hundred years. She deserves to rest in peace at some point.

"Getting your Geass right after birth really fucked you up didn't it?"

"Also prevented me from basically being a vegetable and losing the chance of both a life and an afterlife," I said noncommittally.

"Silver lining?" she responded with a despondent voice.

"Silver lining, and don't pity me. If your going to spend any time with me, just don't pity me. It's the one thing I can't stand since it essentially feels as though you've given up on me."

"Then stay out of my thoughts!" she yelled.

"Right... Forgot your a newbie at this Geass thing. Geass grows stronger the longer you have and increases in strength more quickly with each use. Having basically been born with it, I lost control of it years ago. In fact, mine's fully matured. The best I can do to preserve your privacy is only glean emotions from you. I've been pretty good about not invading other people's thoughts. Don't you dare start pitying me now, I can feel it!"

"I'm sorry. I'm not exactly good at controlling my emotion," the girl stammered.

"Wouldn't be an emotion if you could force it. I'd rather you just get angry at my situation rather than feel pity for me."

"I'll try..."

"Good, by the way... Your Geass totally sucks for you."

"What do you mean?!" Kallen asked worriedly.

"When your Geass starts growing in power, time will essentially slow down for you without your say. Eventually your consciousness will just stay in overtime permanently. You're life could potentially come to a halt in time for you at a certain point, and since Geass is from the consciousness, you could quite literally be stuck in limbo by never truly reaching your body's point of death and quite possibly losing your sanity without anyone to ensure a healthy state of mind."

"What!? I don't want that! How do I stop my Geass from doing that?"

"Can't, you just have to go with the flow, but fortunately there is a way to remove your Geass," I chirped.

"How?! Just tell me how?!" she shrieked and proceeded to shake my body. This in turn caused our car to swerve left and right, which strangely enough saved our asses as the bullets that would have hit us missed entirely. For someone who was so adamant in not mentally living on for eternity, she was doing a damn good job preventing our deaths.

"You have to mature your Geass to a certain point, take the code of immortality from either Mama or my midget uncle, and then kill them. Easy!" I said as I swerved our vehicle into an empty hangar to avoid the chaos mine one of the remaining soldiers decided to lob.

"I have to kill an immortal? How the hell am I supposed to do that!?"

"Relax, once you take their code they become mortal again. Oh right, you also have to commit suicide after you kill them. Remember to do that after or else you'll just die. I'll be there with you every step of the way so don't worry."

"Who the fuck thought this was a brilliant idea!?"

"God."

"This sounds more like a Satanic ritual to me," she angrily hissed.

"There is no Satan, and you know it. Honestly an all powerful and omniscient being in his infinite wisdom decided to bring an entity of pure evil with strength to rival itself? Pft... Nah, he was bored."

"Can a being that is all powerful and all knowing even entertain the thought of fun... or reason... or anything really?"

"No. Why do you think the universe is so fucked up? I mean who in their right mind thought shoving the collective knowledge of all human beings through a baby's brain was a good idea? Why create a universe with entire concept of kill or be killed? Why make things that taste good bad for your health? The boss up top is just mish mashing things together out of sheer apathy at this point. Hell, the concept of a good idea and a bad idea was just something he accidently mish mashed at one point or another."

"And what if it mished mashed the concept of Satan?"

"..."

"Well?"

"I don't even want to know how you outsmarted a being that has witnessed everything that has ever occurred, been thought of or has ever been."

"Point for me?"

"Yes, Kallen. Point for you," I said as a feeling of arousal emerged in my chest. Didn't realize hormones worked on me all things considering. Cool. I can also feel the oozing smug pride flowing from her. It was deeply satisfying to feel so many emotions just rolling off of her.

Might as well take her down a notch or two.

"So does that mean that you not only jumped off the deep end, but dove even further than I did? Color me impressed. I knew there was a reason to keep you around!"

"Okay you get a point for that," she grumbled.

"I love you too. So let's go hijack this nice white colored Knightmare. It looks like it'll been fun."

"Shit! Does that mean that pilot is here too?"

"What pilot?"

"The freakin pilot that can somehow make a billion dollar machine do multiple goddamn spin kicks in the air. That's who. He's the reason everyone booked it from Shinjuku. He even beat me when I could literally see all of his moves moving at half speed."

"Prideful much? But I do agree that making these machines basically fly around is a bit on the abnormal side. Let me check with my Geass real quickly... There's no pilot, but... why do I sense two people with a very similar relationship as us there?"

"You mean there's another one of you walking around on the base?!"

"I said relationship. I didn't say anything about sanity or, for that matter, walking talking Geass collective."

"Then what did you mean!?"

"A nice sensible woman keeping a leash on a brilliant man with an odd fixation on pudding and... Sir Lancelot?"

"...Is her leash at least working?" she asked with an exasperated gasp. She must have had a trying day. Kallen was a normal person after all, or as normal as someone who could put up with my shenanigans could be.

"Not in the slightest. So exactly like our working relationship, but with them having the odd fixations. I think I can talk to them!"

"They're... You know what, let's just roll with it. You're existence that not only bends reality to your whim, but convinces it to flee to make room for you."

"Now you got that wrong. I'm human reality incarnate," I laughed out before stepping out of the smoking car to go greet my little doppelganger.

"Isn't that a step down?" Kallen asked as she stumbled out.

"It's the truth, and there's no need to inflate the ego of everyone's consciousness that has passed through my mind."

"What are two Ashford students doing in our little sector?" a white haired scientist asked as he trotted up to us rather than flee in a desperate panic from the obvious intruders.

His comment did make me look down though. I was still in my black school uniform. Looking back, I noticed that Kallen was still indeed in her uniform complete with a skimpy green miniskirt. Only one thought went through my mind. Time to find and steal some clothing. It's just a shame that the people who caught us were also the two people I actually wanted to talk to on this base. Just by standing next to them could I tell that they were actually smart.

Well, might as well try to wing it. Maybe I can get them to strip down and exchange clothing with us. The military would probably just think that they were having kinky sex while assassins decided to infiltrate the top security base and blow everything to hell using an extensive list of backstabbers to aid them in their plot. Sure these two would be put under a lot of scrutiny since they would survive and had their obviously expensive and secret project stolen right from under them, but I'm sure the excuse of a built up libido during a time of great crisis would surely save their asses. I don't even have a libido that functions under normal circumstances, and I think it was a reasonable excuse.

"What's your name?" I asked the white haired man.

"Lloyd."

"Well, Lloyd. I'm going to show you an image. If you like it, then you will do what I showed you. If you don't then I'm going to have to steal that machine from you," I said calmly before inserting my thought into his head, but not as a mental suggestion. He was smart enough to deserve free will in making his decision.

After his eyes glazed over for a second, the light in his eyes came back and he simply said, "Not enough pudding."

"K.K., do you happen to have pudding on you?"

"L.L... One, why would I be carrying any pudding on me, and two, why are you calling me K.K.?"

"One, the man wants pudding, and two, I don't exactly want him knowing who you really are. I already kind of like this guy, so I really don't want to use my Geass to brainwash him," I said as I gave a bit of a whine at the end when the prospect of possibly brainwashing one of the few people who could possibly understand me came up.

"You barely spoke more than two sentences with him! We literally had a full blown conversation on our origins and what insane reason I had to talk to you! How the hell did he get the green light from you so easily?"

"Jealous?"

"Not the point!"

"Because the man has his priorities straight. He knows it. I know it. He knows that I know it. I know that he knows it."

"And what priorities are those!"

"In this exact order, and I kid you not. That knightmare frame, pudding, the woman staring at the two of us dumbly wondering how the universe could ever allow two beings of our genius meet, complex nuclear physics, and ridding the world of eugenics."

Kallen just sighed as she realized something. "The removal of eugenics was what got you didn't it?"

At the same time, the nice pretty woman that had stared at both Lloyd and I just shook her head and walked to Kallen and gently said, "Don't worry. They're... an acquired taste. New to the job?"

"What, is there some sort of association or group that pays people like us?"

"It's funded by some guy named V.V.. He mentioned something along the lines in memory of my favorite nephew."

"Uncle did something like that for me? Why in the hell does my insane midget and new favorite uncle remember me more than my own father. He literally ordered a fucking air raid on me just twelve days after he relocated me to Japan... and for my protection?!"

Lloyd helpfully added, "Maybe he was just trying to off you. We did have a noticeable trimming on the royal family tree a couple of days after you left."

Right, I forgot that I was trying to keep my heritage a secret in all this excitement. Didn't exactly realize that these two knew V.V.'s relationship to the royal family. Whatever, this guy is like me. I'm sure his assistant will keep his mouth in check. If she's as reliable as Kallen, she'll definitely make sure that Lloyd will keep that little tidbit hidden.

Shrugging away my thoughts and deciding to keep rolling with the conversation. "Ironically, he wasn't trying to off me. He actually was doing that so that my other half-siblings wouldn't proceed to butcher me in their greedy attempt for the crown. Out of sheer curiosity, how many people before my right to the throne are still alive?"

"Six remain, your highness. Oddly enough, Odysseus is among them. You would think that his position would guarantee that he would die first, and the his ineptness would ensure that any assassination attempt would work."

"Lloyd!"

Deciding to intervene on my friend's behalf, I simply interjected with, "It's true though. Man thought I was a raving lunatic simply because I told him that Schneizel was a twofaced snake just waiting to stab him in the back should Oddyseus have the crown placed on his head."

"But, Lelouch," Kallen obviously forgoing my other name since its obscurity was ruined, "You do present yourself as a raving lunatic! Why would your brother be inept for making a proper judgment call for the act you put up?"

I just laughed out, "Because he went to a store, bought a nice steak knife, handed it to Schneizel, and showed his back towards him as a joke to make fun of his 'insane' little brother. Schneizel didn't stab him in the back at that point because Odysseus wasn't and isn't emperor yet, but he did give me a hug and a promise to do the very thing I said he would do if events put the First Prince on the throne. Maybe that's why Odysseus is still alive."

"Brotherly love... What a nice thing," Lloyd sighed in happiness as he began to try and fail to reminisce anything that could even hope to match the shenanigans that went down in the royal family. I would have been impressed if he had managed to considering that all these shenanigans involved a mythical concept of god, a history of eugenics, and a senile king that pretty much said I'm going to fuck all the bitches before unleashing Armageddon.

"Before I forget, your highness, the emperor added fourteen more consorts after you left and made nineteen more heirs to compete for the throne."

Yep. Fuck all the bitches before unleashing Armageddon.


	5. Chapter 5

AN:

1) I always found it odd that Britannia invested that much in Japan. Sure the Sakuradite mines supplied a hefty percentage of their resources, but the sheer number that gets destroyed by Zero in every battle just seems ludicrous. Knightmares are literally walking hulks of metal laced with the rare sakuradite mineral that losing that many would overweigh the net worth of Area Eleven.

Minor Spoilers as Always

* * *

I decided to let Kallen drive the Z01 Lancelot since I had hogged all of the fun with the car. As much as I love breaking the boring tedium of everyday life, I felt that Kallen just needed a nice relaxing drive. She was still a normal human by all rights, and I really liked her. I can't have her breaking on me, especially since I just met her... about one and a half hour ago. Mama would never let me hear the end of it if my playmate broke within the day. Plus I would like to have her along for at least one lifetime.

She brought a sense of normalcy despite being thrown into this madness.

"DIE! DIE! DIE! WHERE ARE THEY ALL FUCKING CRAWLING OUT FROM?! WHY DOES THE GOVERNMENT HAVE SO MANY KNIGHTMARE PILOTS IN A CONQUERED TERRITORY?! IS JAPAN EVEN ACTUALLY WORTH THIS MUCH TO THEM?!" Kallen screamed as another trio of those inbred monkeys decided to instantly combust when they jumped into the line of fire of my fiery redhead. Ah normalcy.

"Yeah... Britannia is really in debt what with its poor money handling. I'm mean, Charles isn't even interested in maintaining the empire since he does plan on destroying all life as we know it. I mean why bother putting any real effort if the end was to come sometime before he kicked it. The last I heard anything about our financial situation while I was still in the empire was that we were so deep in the red that the Emperor literally had no choice but to collect everyone he owed money to into one room. It is infamously called the debt room, or the red room."

"THEN WHY ARE THESE ASSHOLES HERE?! THEY MUST BE ON THE EMPEROR'S PAYROLL!" Kallen screamed as another set of morons decided to take some plasma to the face.

"Nah... There dumb, not suicidal. They get their pay by sucking out the life of the conquered territories. Why else do you think that Japan is nearly a dried husk with its numerous ghettos while the other Areas that have fewer soldiers are more prosperous."

"YOU MEAN MY COUNTRY IS LITERALLY DYING BECAUSE WE DIDN'T KILL ENOUGH OF THESE MOTHERFUCKERS DURING THE WAR?!" And there goes twenty more soldiers.

"Kallen, I'm ashamed of you. They go for their cousins, not their mothers. Even they're not that inbred. But I digress, they are the reason why your country is being bled dry."

"DIE!"

"You missed one there."

"Thank you," Kallen remarked as she finally got rid of the last tiny human fleeing from this base.

"Feeling better?"

"Surprisingly yeah. I worked up a good sweat," she said with a exhausted by satisfied look on her face. That's my girl.

"Want to go off my pathetic sack of flesh known as my half-brother?"

"Sure, but can you answer me something?" Kallen asked with a questioning look sprawled on her face.

"Shoot, no I mean the question not the building."

"You're really hammering the fact that you hate eugenics and inbreeding, but aren't you and I, very likely due to our father's side, a product of that?"

"Great insight, Kallen. I can give you a rather simple and obvious answer to that." This statement drew her in. Her curiosity was just so warming to know that she was hanging onto my words as though they mattered. Made me feel special. Something I've been missing since Mama was captured.

Not wanting to hold her in suspense for too long, I answered, "Empress Marianne, though an empress, was only one because she rose up the ranks from a commoner. She is living proof that the idea of preserving blueblood is bullshit. My father on the other hand... He is basically the worst product of eugenics has ever come up with. I don't actually hate eugenics. The concept of the strong breeding with the strong makes sense on an evolutionary level (plus to a certain extent mating with any other human being is just inbreeding since we're all related to some degree), but the nobles twisted the idea so that their blood would contained an insane magical right that was bestowed upon them by god (this is especially irritating since I do in fact have an insane magical right bestowed upon me by god). In fact the concept I really hate is the idea of a hereditary nobility in conjunction with the eugenics. Because of it, we're left with educated, but extremely incompetent, dumbasses on the throne that promote idiocy among the masses. I mean our freaking school is the premier school in this country and they can't even tell the difference between a death caused by a bullet and one caused by any other means."

"So what you really have is a hate for idiocy and daddy issues," Kallen said softly but with a quirked eye.

When you had the collective knowledge of humanity driven into your tiny undeveloped mind because your father was stupid enough to drop you on your head, you quickly learn to really hate the stupid and the father that taught you to hate stupid. Kallen knows how to cut to the point.

"I love you, woman! You are the second of four people who truly understand me... enough."

"Now is that the inbreeding talking or the Geass collective?"

"Does it really matter? The fact remains that I love you."

"..."

"Take your time, but in the mean time, let's help dear old dad with his gardening!" I yelled excitedly as we slammed the frame through the door, jumped through the roofs of the palace and landed right in front of Clovis.

As I climbed out of the cockpit, I couldn't help but be impressed. How the hell did Kallen manage to get right into Clovis's office? I swear she's lying to me about her Geass. We literally raided the most secure place in the country, didn't get hit by the entire military stationed here, managed to convince a scientist to hand us his precious baby, and not kill our target after creating a gaping hole the width of our new personal Knightmare. Is she sure that her Geass doesn't involve bending the very fabric of reality to improve our luck to a point that nothing bad would ever happen to us.

Well I guess getting involved with Geass in anyway shape or form already nulled the great luck factor, but still.

Or it could be that this entire base is entirely incompetent what with Clovis, the Purebloods, and the abnormal number of noble soldiers running the show here. Yeah, that already existed before Kallen got her Geass so I can't really say that these coincidences could attributed to some luck Geass. Maybe she was just born a lucky lady.

My inner thoughts were then interrupted by a terrified feminine scream. Out of worry for my best friend, I quickly screamed, "K.K." hoping that Clovis hadn't grown a set during my absence and actually had the gall to shoot her.

This only prompted a worried what as the girl started to pull out of the knightmare frame. Turning my gaze from my best friend to the only other occupant in this room, I realized that my half-brother didn't just have an odd obsession with hair care products, nail polish and clothing. He also had a really high-pitched scream.

"It's you!" the man(?) hissed as he backed up into the corner to keep as far away from me as possible.

"Yo, bro! I'd ask how they're hanging, but... Nah too easy. How's being Viceroy working out for you?"

"It was all fine and dandy until you showed up! How did you get here through... everyone!? How?!"

"Honestly, I don't know. We kind of just stole a car, convinced a rather large number of your loyal men into following me (by the way we also did you a favor by firing all of them for you), sowed chaos and discord while we stole this bad boy, and then proceeded to raze this place to the ground. By all rights, the two of us should have been shot dead on step one. Don't give me that look, K.K.. You know that I forgot you can't go body jumping," I ended with a scold as my pilot gave a heated glare at me.

"You're not even sure that you can go body jumping! You're still in your original body!"

"True... Clovis, would you like to be my practice husk on the off chance that this body does in fact get murdered?"

"No! Why would you ever think that I would ever allow that!? Wait, is she like you? Are you multiplying?!"

I could only blink at this. Didn't the conversation just indicate that Kallen is not in fact a double of me? I mean her claim that I don't know whether I can jump bodies should make it obvious that I never tried before and therefore no double should exist. But I could be giving him too much credit since it seemed logical to me, which means Clovis was unlikely to understand. Unless he was talking about how I seemed to make people around me a tad bit more insane. That was probably it.

I snapped out of my contemplation when Kallen screamed, "He loves me too much to turn me into him!"

"That I do. That I do. Too bad for you I don't hold the same affection," I said while flourishing out an assault rifle to aim at Clovis.

"Wait! We're brothers! You can't just kill me! We related by blood!" Clovis screamed desperately trying to convince me not to pull the trigger.

"Clovis, you do realize that's precisely the problem. We're RELATED. You know how I feel about 99.7% of our family. Plus you kidnapped the woman that I actually call Mama... And you had to do it on a day when she finally relented to get Chinese!"

"What does that have to do with anything?!"

"It was one of the few time she was going to grab me something to eat that wasn't pizza! I had finally convinced her that unless she just wanted me to keel over due to health related issues she would get me something that wasn't pizza! As much as I love Mama, I'm honestly more pissed about when he kidnapped her! With her free of his grasp, I can't just have whatever I want to eat anymore either! So excuse me if I feel a tiny bit petulant right now!"

"Really? That's what you were going to kill him over?"

"Woman, trying eating pizza every meal for every day for thirteen years. If you want to convert your diet to only consuming pizza afterwards, then you have a right to say that I don't have a legitimate reason to shoot. The only person who could possibly say that is Mama, and quite frankly, she would very much likely shoot this monkey because he deprived her of pizza for four years. Now tell me. Between Mama and I, who has a more legitimate reason to riddle this asshole with more holes for his shit to leak out of," I said with a desperate cry. Surely Kallen would side with me over Mama.

Kallen didn't even ponder for more than a second before she either realized that my insanity had created a sphere of I'm always right, or realized that I was in the right to begin with.

"But I need to put a bullet in him for causing the Shinjuku massacre."

I just blinked at this. Right, I totally forgot about that, what with Kallen virtually killing everyone in a heated rage-induced bloodthirst. Sure they were all pathetic and hardly put up a fight, but you could hardly call it a massacre if the opposition had guns... plenty of guns to shoot rounds right back at us. Sure the soldiers couldn't hit the broad side of a planet and her kill count probably exceeded that of the numbers listed for Shinjuku, but the Japanese didn't even have a chance to fight back.

"K.K... How many people died in Shinjuku?"

"About 3,000. Why?"

3,000... that was a lot more than I had expected.

"I only have about 300 bullets for this rifle. Do you think ten of those victims would be happy for a single bullet?"

"Probably not, but I'm sure they would accept the compromise."

That settled it. Tossing the assault rifle to her, I turned and said, "Remember to aim for the nonvitals first. Military grade stimulants are in the Lancelot cup holders. Feel free to physically beat his ass to compensate for the lack of bullets. Got to take a number 2."

As I exited the office to find a useable toilet, I remembered that I should probably tell Sayoko that we were eating from Pizza Hut tonight... and from now on... again. Also need to remind her that any attempt to murder Mama would be a waste of time... again. Note to self, see if Sayoko can figure out away to combine other dishes with pizza. I'll be damned if the only thing that will grace my mouth was pizza. At least it can taste like something else when I get sick of and tired of eating the same thing over and over again.

* * *

 **Britannia-World of C**

"Ah, Clovis. Finally someone from the royal family that I can actually recognize. So someone finally managed to kill you."

"Wait, you died in Area 11? I thought you were going there to get away from the Battle Royale. You even gave up your right to the throne."

"Wait... You've been the Viceroy for how long!? Then who had the audacity to assassinate you in that cesspool?"

"Who the fuck is Lelouch?"

"I think I would most certainly remember if Marianne and I had a son!"

"Why would I ever send a prince to act as political hostage knowing that I was going to blow it to kingdom come less than two weeks later?"

"You ungrateful little... I can still punish you even when you have entered the stream of consciousness you know!"

"Marianne, who the hell is Lelouch!"

"See, Clovis! Marianne doesn't even remember anyone named Lelouch!"

"Don't make me cut you with the Sword of Akasha!"

"Yes I am willing to use a god slaying weapon to permanently slay your mouth!"

* * *

 **Japan-Pizza Hut**

"Uh... what can I get you?" I asked as I witnessed a towering white knightmare kneeling down in front of our store with two teenagers dressed in a scientist and an analyst uniform walking to the front.

The woman stepped up first and ordered, "I would like four extra large pizza to go. One pepperoni, another Area 2 style, one cheese, and the last one... vegetarian."

"Very well, that'll_"

"You didn't take my order," the male said gruffly. Why would these two, who are obviously together, have two separate orders? Seriously, couldn't they have just ordered together?

"And what is your order sir," I said as I reigned in my frustration.

"An extra large of everything," the man said with a straight face.

"Excuse me, sir?"

"You heard me. Extra large of everything."

"I'll ring you up. That'll be $2037.56, sir."

"That's a lot of money."

"That's a lot of pizza."

"You do realize we have a death machine parked right outside your store?" the man asked with quirked eyes.

"It's the fourteenth time this month. At least your bill makes sense."

"Oh. What was the bill for the last death machine?" the redhead asked curiously. Probably her first time doing such a thing.

"$23.57"

To this the man just turned to the woman while shaking his head before saying, "Told you... Bleeding the country dry..." After saying this, he turned his head back to me. "How would you like to rent our death machine for a week to act as a special delivery service to help cover the cost of the pizza?"

"I'll have to call my manager."

"You do that."


	6. Chapter 6

"Shit! The Britannians found us! Did that women lure Kallen into a trap?!" Kallen's friends screamed in terror as they proceeded to unleash wave after wave of bullets. How rude. We just arrived to go and celebrate the removal of... wow only 10% of the Britannian military. But I guess their initial reaction was warranted. We, and by that I mean I, did just decide to smash our unit through the feeble metal storage wall for an entrance. Kallen could only mouth why when I suggested it.

Not wanting to give them enough time to pull out rocket launchers, I activated the voice controls.

"Surprise! Kallen and I brought pizza. Also don't damage the frame, I need it to help pay for these pizza! Oi, don't you dare use that rocket launcher right now!"

At least they stopped littering the air with hot lead. Kallen's friends were willing to not kill us to keep her alive. They're already a step above the base we just destroyed. At least they weren't willing to endanger their comrade's life. And they actually manage to hit a knightmare with their tiny guns.

After a few moments to ensure that opening the hatch would not lead to my friend's imminent demise, I allowed Kallen to step out. They were her friends, not mine. They likely would have just introduced me to a bullet on sight the moment I stepped up.

"Kallen! Oh god I was so worried. I told you to stay under the radar and stay in school," the man upfront scolded. He must be the leader since he was upfront and he must have been family, or friends of the family. Either way, it was nice to see Kallen have such nice friends and family. I can certainly feel the rosy happiness leaking from her, though she has been doing that before we bought pizza.

"I'm fine, Ohgi. I talked to L.L., found that I actually kind of liked it, skipped school to go on a date. Said date involved going grand theft auto on a military base, stealing this machine, killing everyone dumb enough to try to stop us, and getting sweet sweet revenge on my friend's half-brother. Then we got pizza, and he was sweet enough to drop me off here."

"He's a prince! Kill him!" the man screamed as the air was filled with lead once more. This lead to a series of pitter patter as bullets began colliding with the machine and rebounding safely away from the rebels. There goes any respect I had for the rebels. Kallen was clearly the only one who had any brains in this facility. Though I suppose hearing that your mortal enemy was patiently sitting in one of the machines that participated in the massacre yesterday would likely make everyone trigger happy. It probably didn't help that I did forcefully break into their hideout. But hey, they were probably just as likely to have tried shooting me on site had I just strolled in through the front door.

I mean despite my hatred for it, I'm Britannian by blood.

"Kallen, could you please tell your friends that them shooting me isn't doing anything and that the pizza is getting cold. While I'm a bit more of the patient sort, Mama does get a bit edgy if someone gets in her way. Plus, I'd really like not test my Geass's limit by turning one of your friends into a husk to wear. Really, for all of our sakes, can we get this pathetic attempt at my life over and done with?"

This caused Kallen to go into panic mode and start yelling for everyone to stop. I'm surprised she hasn't lost it for today given how much screaming has already done. She must have a really good set of lungs on her. It was also nice to see that I'm not the only who knows the horror of getting in the way of Mama's pizza even if Kallen only knew it because I thought my methods were tame in comparison to Mama's.

After all the shots ceased for a second time, I decided to play it safe and lifted Clovis's decapitated head.

It was immediately shot.

"Tamaki!"

Turning the intercom on, "I have my first volunteer husk should someone have the brilliant idea of shooting me again. Are we clear!"

I then lifted one of the twenty Cheese-kun's. It was immediately shot by pretty much the rest of the group. This was getting annoying.

"That's it. The next time anybody shoots another bullet in this room, I'm turning you all into mindless drooling puppets! Not sure what that'll do to you since you're all mindless to begin with, but..."

"Come now my little prince. L.L., remember you promised not to use your Geass for such inane things," Mama's voice rang as she stepped out from the back in a prisoner's outfit.

"Hi, Mama! Long time no see. I'd rescue you sooner, but you always did have a habit of falling off the grid. So how did Clovis catch you anyways?"

"V.V. hit me in the back of the head with a shovel, took my comatose body to Clovis after his guards riddled our bodies with bullets, capped me right in front of Clovis and proceeded to leave me behind," she said calmly while gazing at her nails with a bored expression.

"So Clovis didn't actually kidnap you?"

"No, but he did hold me captive for four years. He didn't even have the decency to get me pizza," she huffed.

"Ha!" Kallen laughed out with a puffed out chest. Damn, so Kallen was right that I didn't have a reason to shoot Clovis. My midget uncle does though. I should have known he would do something like that. He always was a sadistic little bastard. Can't tell if sadism is his form of love though.

"Well in any case, did you tell Kallen to meet me because of Geass or because you wanted to exact revenge on Clovis using me?"

"Can't it be both?"

"Mama, we both know that as an immortal you tend to just do the first thing that pops in your mind."

"The latter. Did you have fun?" she huffed with a smirk adorning her face.

"I had fun! Thanks for sending Kallen! She's my new best friend! She can actually keep up with me!" I yelled excitedly.

This just made said girl blush. Ah, my opinion of her really does matter. Though she could be embarrassed that two clearly abnormal beings are having a conversation that included her as one of us. Entirely possible since we were in front of her other friends who were just confused and looking at her for answers.

"So are we going to start partying? Kallen did pretty much single handedly enact the Viceroy massacre in response to the Shinjuku massacre."

The redhead Tamaki proceeded to shout, "Bullshit! How do you expect us to believe that the two of you did something the JLF hasn't been able to do for seven years!"

"Huh... You would figure that something like that would be on the news. Can you turn on the T.V.?"

As the screen flickered on I began flipping through the channels. Mail order... Mail order... Religion... Movie... Porn... Coded Military Frequency... More porn...

"Why do you guys not have the news on this thing?! Shouldn't you at least need that to know what the hell has been going on around here?!"

"It's not our fault that the Britannians don't allow their news channel to transmit to old Japanese T.V.s!"

"That's not how it works!"

"Then explain why we can't get a signal!"

I then shifted the T.V. approximately two inches to the left, and the T.V. then flickered to the typical Britannian news channel. It was even complete with an image of the complete and utter destruction of the palace, and several frames exploding as the white Knightmare we stole proceeded to rack up the kill count. It was actually a nice touch by the news channel to having a counter that actually increased with each kill. That was dedication right there.

Let's see... channel 5. If I recall Diethard Reed runs that one. File that info for later.

Before I forget, I flipped the bird at Tamaki for questioning me. What was it with idiots and them questioning me?

"Anymore questions, outbursts, etc. or can we get started with the party. The pizza is starting to get cold, and Mam... Oh, she already started..."

She was already munching on her 14th pizza. Did she just inhale the other 13 while I was busy with the T.V.? At least she didn't beat the tar out of anyone in her endeavor to insert pizza into herself.

"L.L., I love you so much. You are the best son I could ever ask for!" she called out when she noticed that I was looking at her. It was great to have Mama back.

"I would say that you were the best mother in the world if you weren't so insistent on only eating pizza!"

"Brat, don't make me remind you the glory of pizza!"

"Love you too!" I yelled back before heading to my favorite redhead, who was just shaking her head. Family, what can you do. You know besides the usual murder attempts.

"So, Kallen," I started to gain her attention, "You've met my mother. When do I get to meet yours?"

What I did not expect was a flurry of emotions. One was of pity, but not towards me. It was definitely towards her mother. The pity was also laced with a bit of anger and disrespect. It was disturbing. Having spent the entire afternoon with her, I was able to see her mind paint so many emotions. But this combination was vile. It didn't feel right for her to have to feel it. It instinctively made my body move to embrace her.

"I'm sorry, Kallen. I didn't know," I had unknowingly hurt her.

"Wha_"

"Tell me what I can do to make it right?" I whispered.

"Right... Geass... emotions and what not. My mother... my real one... Is the mistress of the house even though Dad only ever had kids with her. But because she is Japanese, Dad had to marry my stepmother. Mom is treated really badly, but she won't leave_"

"Say no more. I'll be back in a jiff!" I said quickly before hopping into the Lancelot and driving off to go fix Kallen's situation. Should be easy. Probably harder than infiltrating the base, but still easy nonetheless. I do have an extensive list of memories from the Geass collective involving a man stuck in a loveless marriage and was boinking his real love, the maid. Shouldn't be too hard to think of a solution especially if I play the insanity card.

* * *

And with that, Lelouch drove off to find my house in a war machine. I didn't even tell him the whole story or my address. I knew he was going to fix the issue somehow, but the sane part of my mind was screaming, 'Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit!'

"So how did you like my little L.L.?" C.C. asked me as she shoved another slice of pizza in her face.

"I don't know. Part of me just wants to accept his insanity and become his lover due to how dearly he holds me in his heart. My more rational side is telling me I should just save myself the trouble and introduce a bullet to my face since all the damage has already been done. Quick question. Is his insanity from the brain damage, experiencing the entire human experience as a baby, his Geass, or from being raised by you?"

"From me with a small bit of Geass tampering with his brain chemistry. Honestly the Geass collective fixed any damage from the fall in order to grant him his abilities and knowledge is knowledge. Just random bits of electrons flowing through your nerves that encode data for a brief second would not make you insane," the witch said nonchalantly as she continued her never ending quest to eat pizza.

"I thought he was your son? Why would you intentionally make him insane?"

"To be absolutely fair, a lot of concepts that you learn in a lifetime quickly die out after 300ish years of life. Back in my day, genocide and riding off to help the girl of your dreams was a completely normal thing. How was I supposed to know that murdering all of your enemies in cold blood and with a smile on your face would fall out of fashion this millennia. Charles is literally engaged in a world war at the moment, and his favorite consort was pretty much a bloodthirsty nymphomaniac."

"... So he can be fixed?" I asked questioningly.

"Don't you dare! There's nothing wrong with him to begin with! L.L. is L.L. because everything that he is, both good and bad, makes him what he is! Yes I realize that he's different, but it's who he is and as a mother, I love him for that!" C.C. said heatedly.

"Sorry... I didn't mean it like that. I actually like L.L. the way he is. It's just a bit trying to be near him for an extended period of time," I apologized quickly.

"That's love for you. You'll often find that the person you like will have a lot of trying flaws. Yet it is those flaws that makes you want to be with them even more."

"Speaking from experience?"

"Not my own. But I've had a lot of friends throughout my time," she said with an apathetic shrug before continuing on with her pizza.

* * *

 **Ashford Academy**

I found myself driving up to the faculty office. I should be able to find out where Kallen lived if I check the office records. Not one for subtly, I decided to use the Lancelot to punch a hole into the wall to allow me access to the computers. It made quite a bit of noise, but I knew that no one would come. Most people would probably have thought that it was all just a dream. I mean who sneaks into the night to break into the school using a massive war machine and proceed to break the goddamn wall. No one in their right minds would think what was occurring was happening for real until tomorrow morning.

Let's see. Kallen Stadfield... So that's where she lives. Might as well check every single student using the Lancelot superior hardware and then completely fry the computer. Can't have my little fun get her in trouble. That would make it difficult to hang around her what with security personnel and all.

Well time to go kidnap myself a Japanese maid who gave birth to the woman that I have the hots for.

That was surprisingly normal for my standards.

* * *

 **Stadfield Household**

"Can I help you?" a maid greeted me after I had rung the doorbell.

"Are you Mrs. Kozuki?"

"Yes. Am I in any sort of trouble?" she asked when a worried look. She was honestly probably more worried for her daughter than anything else. What a sweet mother.

"Not at all, but I don't know how to phrase what I'm going to have to tell you next," I said hesitantly. I honestly didn't think this far. Winging it has been a pretty good means of getting what I want since my intelligence could compensate, but I probably should have planned on how to convince the woman that I was not a psychopath out to boink her beautiful daughter.

"Is Kallen alright?" she asked with all pretenses gone.

Fuck it.

"She is, but I'll be straight with you. I love your daughter, and I'm planning to boink her senseless, start a family, and live a nice little life somewhere around Japan. Now I know that she kind of likes me because I helped her steal a experimental Knightmare from a military base and helped her raze said military base to the ground with said Knightmare, but in order to impress her, I need to kidnap you. I would like for you to come peacefully, but you are free to struggle since obviously I'm not completely right in the head. When you come with me, you can work as my maid in my day to day to life to maintain a cover and stay with your daughter. Working as a maid is optional though."

"Excuse me for a second," Mrs. Kozuki stuttered. As she closed the door, I could hear clothes shuffling. So agreeable, just listening to me and getting her coat. I can already tell we will have a beautiful mother and son in law relationship.

After a minute or two, she stepped out with a broom in hand. Then she proceeded to whack me in the head with her broom.

"Stay away from precious daughter you hooligan," she screamed as she repeated her action multiple times. Such a loving mother. I also now know where Kallen gets her ability to yell from now. And to think that Mrs. Kozuki looked so timid. I began to run a bit slowly towards the party so that Mrs. Kozuki would be able to keep up and whack me with her broom. Good thing that I had the Lancelot stored under Ashford Academy already.

* * *

 **Back at the Resistance Hideout**

"Damn you! Don't you dare corrupt my baby girl!"

Holy shit... I didn't expect this woman to be able to continuously hit me the whole way back. She looked so frail and timid when I first met her. Was she the source of inspiration for Kallen's alter ego. Hell, was this the source of her real persona? Kallen is definitely her mother's child.

"Mom!?"

"Kallen?! Oh thank god! I thought this boy did something to you!" Mrs. Kozuki said as she quickly embraced the girl to check if she had come to any harm.

Clearly shocked and confused as to why her mother was reacting this way, Kallen could only stammer, "Wha... What did you say to her?"

"Only the truth," I shrugged.

"Elaborate please."

"In these exact words, I said, 'I love your daughter, and I'm planning to boink her senseless, start a family, and live a nice little life somewhere around Japan. Now I know that she kind of likes me because I helped her steal a experimental knightmare from a military base and helped her raze said military base to the ground with said knightmare, but in order to impress her, I need to kidnap you. I would like for you to come peacefully, but you are free to struggle since obviously I'm not completely right in the head. When you come with me, you can work as my maid in my day to day to life to maintain a cover and stay with your daughter. Working as a maid is optional though.'"

"That's kind of normal for your standards," Kallen said with gratuitous amounts of blinking.

"What did you expect?" I asked since I thought Kallen would have been happy that I hadn't decide to something insanely stupid like smash her house to bits after using the Lancelot to steal her mother away.

"I don't know... Use the Lancelot to go to Dad's workplace, both here and in Britannia, turn them both into a smoldering pile of scrap metal, whizz on the remnants of Stadfield Consortium to make some point, kidnap Dad, come back to Japan, kidnap Mom, show up here to only realize that the party ended days ago, and then stay here while talking to my parents about courting me while waiting for me to come back?"

"..." That does sound more in line with what I normally would do. It also certainly sounded more romantic now that I thought about it. I could certainly have done it considering we just deposed Clovis hours earlier. It was definitely more impressive than what I had done just now, and it would have brought both parents back.

"Lelouch? Are you okay?"

"I missed a completely epic chance to win your affections in the most grandiose way possible! How do you think I am?"

"It's okay. It's probably just the little bit of inbreeding that made you overlook that," Kallen giggled.

"That's even worse!" I yelled despondently as my arms flew to hold my head as I tried to cope with reality.

"Kallen. Honey, don't talk to that boy. He's clearly not good for you! He'll get you in trouble, or worse hurt!" the Mother said as she finally regained enough composure to realize what was happening. She was also giving me glares telling me that she all too willing to kick my ass to the curb if I got touchy with her daughter.

"To be fair, Mom. He kind of thought that I was courting him to begin with. He actually rejected me to begin with," my beautiful redhead nervously said while putting two of her fingers together.

"I'm sure you didn't know kind of man he was before_"

"I may have also convinced him to pursue me romantically after I realized he was bat shit crazy."

"But it was an accident sur_"

"I'm also quite fond of him," Kallen said with finality before stomping towards me and kissing me directly on the lips.

I don't remember the rest of the night since I had blacked out from that moment on. I felt such a sudden flood of positive emotions that my Geass actually knocked me out. The only thing that I do know was that I was apparently giving off a stupid grin for the rest of the night.

* * *

 **Britannia**

"Prince Schneizel, we have just received a message that the Lancelot has been... commandeered... for the assassination of Prince Clovis," Kanon stated with a look of confusion on his face. Why did the report say commandeered rather than just stolen? Lloyd was never one for the political bullshit. If it was just stolen, he would have demanded unholy retribution on whoever stole it.

"Was there anything else in the message?" I asked with a bored expression to mask my confusion.

"He's also requesting another lab coat and a new uniform for his assistant?"

"Why?"

"I think this is a joke... sir."

"Try me."

"Because he traded it for kinky high school sex with his assistant while the Eleventh told him that this report would explain everything to you sir. He didn't even use the term Eleven correctly," Kanon stated with an unamused expression.

I could only massage my temple as a thought came into mind.

"What's the status of the Viceroy's Palace at Area Eleven?"

"Complete annihilation... by just the Lancelot"

"I see..."

"Do you want me to find and punish the people who thought this obvious lie would be funny?"

"No need... Not like you can," I grumbled as I quickly pulled out a bottle of bourbon that I had been saving for exactly this moment.

"Sir?"

"Those reports are accurate, and there is only one person I know that could somehow cause this much wanton destruction with these absurd reports," I said before staring at the small cup that I had already pulled out. It would never be enough. I just tossed the puny shot glass and chugged the bourbon like there was no tomorrow. For all I knew, today could actually be the last day.

"Wha..."

"Also give Lloyd double the funding for his Lancelot project. Tell him he can do whatever he wants," I gasped before proceeding to try to knock myself out with alcohol.

"You're rewarding him for losing the Lancelot?! Sir, I think you're drunk," Kanon said worriedly to make sure I would not die by alcohol poisoning.

"I'm not rewarding him, Kanon."

"Then why are you..."

"I'm convincing him not to tell Lelouch that I've been picking on him!"


	7. Chapter 7

AN:

1) I really wasn't expecting this fic to be all that popular. I had originally planned to have it end last chapter, but seeing the amount of support I got, I'm willing to write more chapters. Not too sure how many more chapters since I'm already reusing jokes, but who knows. Hopefully this is as funny as the last six chapters.

2) Any suggestions on how I should portray the rest of the characters?

3) Was this genius/insane enough?

* * *

 **Japan-Temporary Command Center**

"Lord Jeremiah, someone wishes to speak to you. He claims to have information regarding the attack yesterday. What would you like for me to do?"

"What do you think?" I grumbled in annoyance. It should have been pretty obvious to Viletta. Standard protocol dictated that she was to immediately guide said informant to an interrogation room, and in cases of emergency, strip said informant of weapons and bring them here. Considering that ten percent of our military force was either a smoldering pile of ash or were currently in caskets, it should have been the latter with no room for confusion. If this informant was telling the truth, we could fix whatever gaping holes in our security that had allowed the Viceroy massacre from happening again. Considering my position as temporary Viceroy, this information was of the upmost importance for me.

"Should I take him to an interrogation room?"

"Just bring him in," I said with an exasperated sigh.

If it wasn't for the fact that she had a perfect ass and was entirely willing to use it to satisfy my every need for a promotion, I would have put a bullet in her skull (still not entirely sure if that would do anything since her brain seemed unnecessary for her to properly function). If she really was the best I had, I needed to go recruit better soldiers. No wonder it only took one intruder to raze the entire base even if he or she had a long list of traitors working for him or her.

This was such a step down from my position as Empress Marianne's Royal Guard. Why was the group I was in charge of so incompetent? What was the military doing for so many failures to have entered? I can only blame Prince Clovis for the incompetency shown. He was the Viceroy, and thus he was in charge of everything. The screening, training, and organization were all done by him in the end. Did he decide to just sign every document that landed on his desk just so that he could attend to his art?

...

That would actually explain why we have a Pureblood faction in the first place and why we also have the Honorary Britannian system. The Honorary Britannian system was his brain-child so to speak and the Pureblood group was started in Area Eleven.

...

Shit... What other paperwork has that fool signed?

"This is Private Suzaku Kururugi. He claims to know the identity of the intruder yesterday," Viletta said as she guided an Eleven into the office.

"Not another one. If you came here to moon me like the others and say how the Prince deserved what he got, I will shove my hand down your exposed ass and pull out your intestines so that I can make you redigest whatever drug you took that made the idea seem like a good one in the first place!" I yelled angrily.

"What, sir?" the Eleven stammered in fear.

"You heard me! I will make you eat out of your own anus if you dare show me your bottom!" I screamed with my veins bulging as I pulled out a very dirty brown glove.

This would be like the thirtieth person to do that. Being mooned was admittedly humorous the first five times (especially since the first five kind of looked like Tohdoh and his Four Holy Swords)...

* * *

 **Narita Mountain - JLF HQ**

"Mission accomplished!"

* * *

 **Japan-Temporary Command Center**

... but the novelty was lost when the sixth person did it. After she did it, I started torturing these idiots to get the point across that such shenanigans were not going to be tolerated. I started getting really creative in how to torture them around number fourteen. Admittedly my punishments had been getting pretty extreme, but they simply keep coming back. I figured that at some point they would realize that the humiliating and painful punishments would dissuade such idiots from coming here.

"Oh god! He got to you too!" the Eleven shrieked in horror as he started backing away into the closed door.

Well this was different. I guess he wasn't here to moon me. He actually had relevant information regarding to the incident yesterday.

"Who was here? Tell me," I said calmly so as not to make the clearly unhinged soldier break down in hysteria.

It didn't work.

"Stay back! His insanity is contagious! He'll never take me alive!" the Eleven said before trying to reach for the gun that he shouldn't have in possession of.

My military training kicking in, I quickly pinned down the soldier so that he wouldn't be able to harm anyone. During the struggle he kept screaming about how he would not submit to the madness that was L2, how the avatar of destruction lived, etc.. Shit! This boy was really strong. He's actually breaking my hold on him despite the fact that doing so was putting extreme pressure on his own muscles. Interrogating him, though necessary, was going to be a pain in the ass.

* * *

 **Britannia**

"So preliminary reports indicate that the intruder involved in the murder of Prince Clovis is a boy named L.L., and there is a picture attached," I said more to myself in the office than to my wife that was possessing the Knight of Six.

As I was moving the mouse to click the attachment, I began to ponder who this L.L. could be. Judging by the name, he was obviously related to either C.C. or V.V.. It was more likely the former rather than the latter given how V.V. still hadn't had his balls drop due to his immortality. Maybe that was why he held no interest for women and seemed to spend a disturbing amount of time fantasizing about me. Probably should have convinced him to acquire the code after he had either entered or finished puberty. At least he could distract himself with the company of woman rather than sniffing for my attention.

I was interrupted from my musing as the image that appeared showed a young boy with vibrant purple eyes known to be a common trait in my offspring. When did I ever have sex with C.C.? Better yet, was it even possible to have impregnated the immortal given that all of her eggs should have dried up by now?

Why did I just have a chill go through my spine?

"Charles!" a sinister voiced called behind me.

"I swear I didn't do her!" I immediately exclaimed so as to save my ass.

"Then what am I looking at Charles! He has your eyes and your face!"

"I swear that I have no memory of sleeping with your best friend!"

"You don't remember almost anyone who you have had the pleasure of porking!"

"I swear I didn't do it!"

"Then show me that you still love me!" Marianne cried.

"Okay, but how!"

"We are going to make another baby!"

"Goddammit woman! It's not even your body, and she's underage! Is sex all you think about?!"

"Says the man who added another three women in his harem this morning! I'm just going into puberty... again! In case you have forgotten, hormones make me horny! So do me now!"

"I'm not having sex with someone who is only a fraction of my age!"

"But you'll do someone who is a multiple of your age!"

"I have no memory of this, and there is a significant difference!"

"You will pork this piglet and you will like it! So help me, I will bring the Mordred into this!"

"Yes dear..." I grumbled in defeat.

* * *

 **Three Hours Later**

The sound of the Emperor sobbing quietly could be heard throughout the entire palace. While it was a tad bit unusual to hear such a powerful man weep, it brought a sense of satisfaction to me and probably everyone else. The douchebag deserved whatever horror he was facing for the past three hours. I mean really, setting up a Battle Royale amongst all of his heirs? As interesting as it was to witness regicide and attempted regicide on a daily basis, getting the blood out of the carpet was really annoying. It was also really annoying that these heirs keep using fast acting poison in the food. They seem to fail to realize that those attempts have only been killing our cooks and tasters.

I was also really sick and tired of changing diapers. Why did the man insist of making more heirs if he was busy having them kill each other off? I have been cleaning royal bottoms for over twenty years because of his inability to keep it in his pants. I work at the Royal Palace for Christ's sake. I should have had bragging rights about how high up the ladder I was, but all I can tell my family and friends is that I clean up after the shit the heirs let loose both figuratively and literally.

Maybe I could assassinate one of these toddlers and blame it on one of the heirs. Odysseus was certainly incompetent enough to consider a baby a threat to his throne. I've seen the fear in his eyes every time one of the consorts gets ready to pop out another one.

* * *

 **Ashford Academy**

Everyone's bunched up at the T.V. again. Maybe the T.V. was reporting real news now that Clovis and all of his Purebloods are dead. It was a slim chance since the media was essentially paid to always paint Britannia in a good light. Let's see. Good, they reported that the Palace utterly destroyed and the mangled body of our ex-Viceroy... Wait... They already found a scapegoat?

The poor victim for this charade is going to be... L.L.? Well holy shit, how did they find that out? It made no mention of Kallen much to my relief, but how did they figure out that I was there. Lloyd and Cecil most certainly kept their mouths shut given that it made no mention of Ashford students or Kallen. Is that a picture of me from before the war?! A Japanese person sold me out? After what Kallen and I just did?

Ingrate.

So now to find out who is the lead investigator of this little case...

Oh come on! How did he survive Kallen's wrath! He's the leader of the Purebloods. Surely he must have been at the palace and been one of the many soldiers willing to jump into my girlfriend's line of fire. His second in command survived too!? So were all of the semi-competent soldiers out getting wasted over killing a bunch of civies when Kallen and I decided to destroy the base.

At least Cecil and Lloyd aren't being tried for treason.

"Lulu! How dare you skip out on class yesterday! And you dragged Kallen with you!" a familiar female voice rang.

It took every ounce of self-control for me not to immediately run in terror. Perhaps Milly would be willing to take it easy on me today. I mean I did have a reasonable excuse. Maybe she'll listen to_

I was quickly grabbed and had my face brought closer to Milly's as she pulled on my collars. This began the slow process of strangling me as she interrogated me.

She was clearly not willing to listen to any of my excuses.

She quickly asked in an angry whisper, "Why?"

"Why what?"

"Everything now!"

"No seriously? What am I answering for?"

"The hole in the wall, the Knightmare in the basement, and why the new maid?!"

"Stole a Knightmare frame to find out where Kallen lives and gain permission to court her after getting permission from her maid," I quickly stammered as I could feel my oxygen supply dwindling.

"That explained nothing! It makes no sense!" Milly shrieked in my ear as my explanation proved insufficient for her taste.

"Can't... breathe..."

Even though Milly was my friend, I may have to use my Geass just so that she would let go. I'm pretty sure that Kallen would not be too fond of me dying, or jumping into Milly's body. As kinky and hot as that girl on girl action would be, I'm pretty sure she would be too upset to even consider such a proposition. Pretty sure Kallen was also straight. Note to self, check and see if Kallen is straight or bi. She deserves to have all her sexual tensions fulfilled for trying to keep up with me.

"Mistress, could you please let go of my charge? As much as he deserves your ire, you did hire me to keep an eye on him," a familiar motherly voice came out.

Mrs. Kozuki, you are such a life saver. We're going to have such a lovely mother and son in law relationship. I'm so glad that I (Kallen) convinced you to work for me.

"Besides, I have a much better solution to disciplining the boy," she said with a malicious tone as she pulled out a squirt bottle and proceeded to squirt my face.

"Traitor! Why are you obviously helping someone make my life more difficult?" I spluttered in annoyance.

"I'm just making sure that my new master is conducting proper manners at all times," Mrs. Kozuki said with a dark smile and another squirt.

"I'm not a dog!"

To my yell of indignation, I just received another squirt to the face... And another... And another... And another...

I could only whimper so that I could get out of this situation. Kallen, owed me big time for this. Her mother was treating me like a dog, and I can't throw real family away like that. This sucks. I really shouldn't have told Mrs. Kozuki that I was going to boink her daughter senseless what with first impressions.

Oh god! I just realized that she and Kallen were going to move into the clubhouse. What if she gives Sayoko a squirt bottle?! She's a goddamn ninja for crying out loud!

Oh no...

What if she gives Mama a squirt bottle!?

"Did you actually just tame Lulu?" Milly asked as she simply dropped my sorry ass on the ground.

"It is part of my contract," Mrs. Kozuki said ever so sweetly.

"I... I think I love you... But don't you dare squirt me," Milly stammered.

"Wouldn't think of it. Would you like a squirt bottle as well? I'm planning on giving one to all of his friends."

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!


	8. Chapter 8

**Author's Notes:**

1\. After the last chapter, you may have wondered what Suzaku's loyalty earned him. Well, here you go.

2\. To everyone who questions what the hell kind of drug I have been taking, the answer is none. It's called procrastination.

3\. To the person asking why I defiled Anya, the answer is because a horny ass spirit decided to possess the body of a child.

4\. I'm back for now if you didn't get the message with this new update.

 **Cornelia's F.O.B.**

"Frontline Meatshield Suzaku Kururugi reporting in for duty!"

Well, that was new. It's not every day that someone introduces themselves as such. Wasn't it against protocol to inform our meatshields that they were in fact meatshields? If I recalled correctly, the last time we did that we had a massive drop in Number's enlisting and a massive amount of paperwork to execute them on the basis of dereliction last week. Rotating my wrist, I could still hear a tiny crackle from how much writing I had to do. Was he the one who let the secret out to the other meatshields?

"Mr. Kururugi, may I ask, why are you here?"

"Princess, I asked to be assigned here," the boy said in a serious tone.

"You asked to be assigned here?" I asked with a raised brow as I momentarily looked past him and through the opening in the tent. Looks like the enemy did a number to the remaining meatshields. Guess we will be feasting on Number surprise tonight. Again. Hopefully, the Fours were in the mix. Some of the meat might actually be carne asada from those cowards.

"Yes, Ma'am. It was my reward for revealing the identity of Prince Clovis's mu-mu-murderer."

"You mean the assassin and not murderer, correct? After all, nothing but underhanded cloak and dagger tactics and members of the royal family could possibly kill such perfect and infallible beings such as those produced by the royal family."

* * *

 **Britannia Capital**

"Your Majesty, another one of your spawn has died."

What in the hell is that thing? Is it a man or a woman? It looks like the fucking Stay Puff Marshmallow Man with fucking leprosy. How did it pass the requirements to become a royal retainer? How the hell did this thing come into being? What spawned this monstrosity? In fact, why the hell would one of my offspring want this object to be his/her retainer? I know they get up to some kinky shit with them. Look at freaking Schneizel and Kanon. Kanon is way too effeminate and willing to be anything but a_

"Your Majesty?"

"And how did it die?" I said sternly to get my mind off figuring out what the hell was in front of my eyes.

"She died because she insisted that she was not allergic to peanuts. We tried to stop her, but she made it an order that any who interfered would have their dick cut off."

"I see. For not preventing my offspring from offing herself, your punishment will be having your dick cut off."

"Sir, I'm a woman."

Shit, time to double down.

"A likely story. If you were truly a 'woman' as you say you are, you would have had no reason not to prevent the princess's death, or are you saying that you willingly allowed a princess to kill herself with no real repercussion towards yourself? Because if you are saying that, then I must execute you for allowing a member of the royal family to die under your care."

"No sir."

"Guards, please take this 'woman' to the back to have her dick cut off. Oh and I banish the ex-princess for being dumb enough to continue eating the peanuts that were killing her."

"Sir, she is already dead. You can't banish her."

"Then I posthumously banish her. Also, don't question me. As your punishment, you will have your tubes tied."

"Sir, I'm male."

"Tie this 'man's' tubes!"

 **30 Minutes Later**

"My clit!"

"Who the hell ties a man's testicles into a pretzel!"

"Just another Tuesday my friends."

* * *

 **Cordelia's F.O.B.**

"There is no apt word to describe the monstrosity that killed Prince Clovis. The only thing that I truly know about the individual is that he is simply an agent of chaos, madness, and destruction. There is no rhyme or reason to his methods outside of them simply working in his favor. It is like watching some Lovecraftian god trying to maintain some form of existence on this plane of reality. It cares not for human comprehension and sensibility. It simply acts according to its whimsical will and with a power to bend the fucking basis of reality to achieve its will. Reality itself is that being's plaything and he knows it. Simply witnessing or surviving near this individual plants the seeds of madness into one's mind. His influence act as tendrils in your mind that drills deeply and painfully, slowly consumes it, and alters it to his liking."

This seems somewhat familiar. Reminds me of dear Lulu. No surprise that he survived the bombing, and the war. He was always a brilliant tactician, and possibly immortal if his mother decided to kick the bucket early. Wonder if he still looks like a... what did Euphy say it was? A shota? Yes, I believe that's the word.

Oh my god. A shota Lulu.

Time to finish this war, but first.

"Congratulations, Mr. Kururugi. For discovering a highly classified individual and being able to comprehend this individual to a certain degree you've been promoted."

"Ma'am?"

"Go to tent forty-two and collect your towel. I must insist that under no circumstances do you lose that towel. It is imperative that you do not misplace that towel. Your life will be forfeit if you do not carry that towel with you at all times. It will identify you as one of our own. It will also be your lifeline in this field of work and you will do everything with that towel. You can think of it as your best friend or lover or the person who you wish were here alongside you so that they can endure the suffering that you must. You will eat, sleep and bath with that towel. You take a shit here, you use that towel to clean your ass. If you ever feel lonely at night, you are to satisfy yourself with the towel. Think of the man or woman you most want to pleasure or want to make grovel as you use that towel during those nights. I don't care which so long as you don't imagine me or my sister. You will bring that towel into combat and you will need it to strangle the life out of your enemies. If you get wounded in combat, I want you to bandage your goddamn wound with that towel. Do you understand me?!"

"Ma'am?!" the Eleven said as a cold sweat developed on his brow.

"I said, 'Do... You... Understand... Me..."

"Yes, Ma'am!"

"Good, now do you have any questions before I send you off on your merry way?"

"Why are you making me do this?"

"If the individual you speak of is who I think it is, then you need a focus to maintain what's left of your mind. Everyone who has sustained long periods with the boy learned quickly that having something to channel their thoughts towards would help with the impending mind fucking that would inevitably occur. Prince Schneizel discovered his love of bourbon after an unfortunately brilliant game of chess. We found that having this focus will be the only way to preserve your sanity."

"You think that his madness can be stopped?" the boy asked with stars in his eyes.

"It's up for speculation, but I assume you would know the answer to that question. After all, you don't that I'm insane. Right..."

"... Yes Ma'am."

He quickly darted out of the room after responding rather poorly to that last question.

That boy is going to suffer for hesitating, and for leaving without my say so. Maybe a week out on the frontlines with the towel will teach him a valuable lesson. Or kill him. Hopefully the latter. I really am sick and tired of Euphy shagging the ever living life out of Numbers. So barbaric, and I really don't want to explain to her why having interracial mixing is a bad thing. Freaking kills me every time she finds out I had to ship those babies to untrackable locations to be taken care of. Maybe seeing Lulu again will calm down her libido. Would certainly be nice if Lulu would decide to hook up with Euphy.

Well if Lulu is currently in Area Eleven, time to break out my own focus.

Pressing a button, I spoke into the microphone.

"Send in prisoner 432561A, a bucket, plenty of water, my personal dildo, and my tools of persuasion. I wish to interrogate."


End file.
